The phone rings….
Phem: Yo Dulu
Me: What up Phem?
P: You know my homegirl Net you use to light weight date.
M: Yeah, what about her?
P: Word on the street is that the dude she use to date right before ya’ll started hangin out, is on the DL
M: Say Word?
P: Yep. As soon as I heard about it, I thought about you because I know you and sis had some history. So, you should get yourself checked.
M: That’s been a few years ago and I’ve been tested a couple of times since I dealt with her, so I’m good. I appreciate the phone call though.
This is a true story, just happened last night 4/7/06. Funny thing is, I had just put the finishing touches on the blog I was going to post next. Then this came up, so I am putting the other one on the back burner for now.
Ironically enough, I saw Net in November of 05, even hung out with her for a second (just dinner, nothing more). I was seriously considering “reconnecting” with her because a cat was long overdue for a touch up. I had been out a long term relationship for a couple of months and had decided to chill on the sex for a minute. Why? Because I didn’t want to sleep with some random chick and then have to expend the energy pretending to be “busy” so that I wouldn’t have to keep spending time with her. Anyway, by the time I saw Net, them two months of no sex had my vision real blurry. I know two month’s is nothing, but after you’ve had someone to roll onto consistently for a couple of years, two months seems like a damn life time. Sex is a funny thing, not enough of it and too much of it, can have identical affects……both can cloud your judgment. Anyway, hung out with Net, grabbed something to eat, and toyed with the idea of a quickie. I can’t front, I keep a pack of matches in my back pocket, just in case I feel like turning up the heat and playing with a little fire. But sitting across the table and looking into Net’s eyes made a brotha real leery. She was already looking at a brotha all starry-eyed and I hadn’t laid a finger on her three years. So, I decided against striking that match and just thanked her for hanging out and ran some drag about seeing her again soon. Of course, I haven’t. Guess my judgment hadn’t gotten that bad after all (ha ha).
Fast forward 5 months to today and I’m getting a call saying Net’s ex dude was a homo. I’m not going to get in to the semantics of gay vs. bi-sexual, vs. bi-curious. The way I see it, if you a dude having intimate relations with a dude then all involved dudes are officially gayolas period.
This DL ish has been out of hand for a long time. But the closer it comes to home, the more paranoid I’m getting. It goes without saying that the DL dudes are the scum of the effin planet. This playing both sides, pretending to be something their not is putting all of us at risk. Them cats need to be straight up with these women and stop fakin the funk. I could go on for days about what the homos should do, but truth be told they are not going to man up and be honest, so the responsibility falls on the woman to make better decisions about the guys they sleep with.
Jabari A.D. Ndulu
Phem: Yo Dulu
Me: What up Phem?
P: You know my homegirl Net you use to light weight date.
M: Yeah, what about her?
P: Word on the street is that the dude she use to date right before ya’ll started hangin out, is on the DL
M: Say Word?
P: Yep. As soon as I heard about it, I thought about you because I know you and sis had some history. So, you should get yourself checked.
M: That’s been a few years ago and I’ve been tested a couple of times since I dealt with her, so I’m good. I appreciate the phone call though.
This is a true story, just happened last night 4/7/06. Funny thing is, I had just put the finishing touches on the blog I was going to post next. Then this came up, so I am putting the other one on the back burner for now.
Ironically enough, I saw Net in November of 05, even hung out with her for a second (just dinner, nothing more). I was seriously considering “reconnecting” with her because a cat was long overdue for a touch up. I had been out a long term relationship for a couple of months and had decided to chill on the sex for a minute. Why? Because I didn’t want to sleep with some random chick and then have to expend the energy pretending to be “busy” so that I wouldn’t have to keep spending time with her. Anyway, by the time I saw Net, them two months of no sex had my vision real blurry. I know two month’s is nothing, but after you’ve had someone to roll onto consistently for a couple of years, two months seems like a damn life time. Sex is a funny thing, not enough of it and too much of it, can have identical affects……both can cloud your judgment. Anyway, hung out with Net, grabbed something to eat, and toyed with the idea of a quickie. I can’t front, I keep a pack of matches in my back pocket, just in case I feel like turning up the heat and playing with a little fire. But sitting across the table and looking into Net’s eyes made a brotha real leery. She was already looking at a brotha all starry-eyed and I hadn’t laid a finger on her three years. So, I decided against striking that match and just thanked her for hanging out and ran some drag about seeing her again soon. Of course, I haven’t. Guess my judgment hadn’t gotten that bad after all (ha ha).
Fast forward 5 months to today and I’m getting a call saying Net’s ex dude was a homo. I’m not going to get in to the semantics of gay vs. bi-sexual, vs. bi-curious. The way I see it, if you a dude having intimate relations with a dude then all involved dudes are officially gayolas period.
This DL ish has been out of hand for a long time. But the closer it comes to home, the more paranoid I’m getting. It goes without saying that the DL dudes are the scum of the effin planet. This playing both sides, pretending to be something their not is putting all of us at risk. Them cats need to be straight up with these women and stop fakin the funk. I could go on for days about what the homos should do, but truth be told they are not going to man up and be honest, so the responsibility falls on the woman to make better decisions about the guys they sleep with.
Jabari A.D. Ndulu
posted by ndulu at 12:49 AM
12 Comments:
I am so mad at you for this line "I know two month’s is nothing, but after you’ve had someone to roll onto consistently for a couple of years, two months seems like a damn life time" WTF!!! Big Bro...you are dead wrong LOL!!
Yeah shyt is getting real out here. Almost to the point where meeting someone new is straight nerve racking. But you say the responsibility falls on us women to make better decisions...are you serious??? Come on Son, we both know that isn't fair...cats sometimes do a good job of masking the real deal. We shouldn't have to be asking and investing into whether a man who clearly seems heterosexual (I mean you trying to get with me aren't you..looks ok...talks and walks ok...dresses ok) really likes to sleep with men behind closed doors. What part of the game is that???
Now I always ask the questions...have you ever been with a man? Do you have a desire to be with a man?...but I swear I be so pissed the hell off that I even gotta go there and then I still gotta worry about whether dude is lying or not. My point is the signs aren't always obvious. I think men need to take responsibility for where they sticking they stuff...be real about how you feelin like. If yous a punk say it!!
Big brotha, you know how I feel about the gayolas...a gayola by any other name is still the same. Regardless of what they call themselves, if they are leading an invisible life and posing as straight, they are putting us all at risk. The thought of it sickens me...and scares me. It makes me wonder how many of us are 2 or 3 degrees separated from this type of situation.
*tsk tsk tsk* Ndulu (I ain't comfy callin u big brotha just yet *hmpf* LOL!) Anywho, how you figga it's up to da woman? If we asking all the right questions and you giving all the right anwers and yo actions back up those answers what are we suppose to do? I know goodness well I aint good at mind reading or any of that extra bullshit so what else do you have to go on? That's why I had said a long time ago, Miss Durty aint wrangling w/ no new cats. I'mma gone head and stick to what I know and that's my word SON!
This why I love my twin! I can't add or take away. You know dane well (some) men can hide the fruitness really well. The signs, like royce's daughter said, are not always clear.
I don't know how many of you saw the episode of Oprah when she had Terry McMillan (sp) and her ex-fruit on, and he said (paraphrasing) that part of why he didn't "come out" was because where he's from, homosexuality is so frowned upon, he was scared to come clean.
That got to me to thinking, and I have to admit that's true. I know he's Jamaican, but in the colored world period, we don't make it easy for men to be openly gay. Don't lie - no we don't. We are not exactly open to that. We don't have our arms poised, ready to embrace a homosexual man. We frown on that. Don't lie - we do.
But while that might be true, that does NOT mean pretend to be straight and mess with women in the meantime! If you like men, be with a fkn man and leave women alone!
Funny story (but not really) - I don't know how many of you watched The Wire when it was on. But in one episode, in a gay bar, they were showing a gay porn on the tv in the background. I was watching it with my fiance, and when they showed that, he tried to turn the tv. I was like no, don't turn it. He was like I don't wanna watch this shyt. I was like they're not gonna show it forever. Just sit tight.
Well, a few seconds after they were out of the bar, I reached over and grabbed my fiance in his groin (LOL @ me bein polite) to see if it was even midly hard. He was like what are you doing. I said just checkin. If you had shown just a little bit of arousement lookin at them men get down, I was gonna beat your azz to death right there where you sittin, and then call your mother and tell her I did it...and why!
I say that to say what my twin already said - why we got to ask a man in the first friggin place if he ever been with another man? Do you wanna be with another man? Why we got to resort to these little games and tricks to see if our man is really straight?
Why can't men just be truthful? Hunh?
Les, YOU ARE CRAZY!!! Why I'm frontin', I'm putting that technique in my back pocket to use at the appropriate time. hmpf.
why ya'll got the responsibility, hmmm, let me see if i can come up with a few valid reasons.....how about 1) AIDS is the number one killer of blackwomen in your age group. 2) AIDS is the number one killer of blackwomen in your age group. 3) AIDS....I'm sure you get my point.
so, rely on the man to volunteer the information if you want to but at the end of the day, guess who is going to carry the burden. i suggest you come up with some more tactics like the one leslie used....fa real fa real
trust, i'm asking women a lot of questions now that i didn't ask before....e.g. have you ever been with a guy that you later found out was dl, would you date a dl dude. these types of issues are taking all the fun out of putting a sistas ankles to her ears. damn, first the fatboys break up and now this!!!!!!
The point I was making is that even being responsible which you know I am...there is still the chance that that cat could be lying and there are no other obvious signs. As long as we continue to condone the lifestyle sista's in my age group, sharing the same color skin will continue to die from AIDS. DUDES need to stop lying not just about being with other dudes but about how they living in general. The responsibility isn't ours alone...THATS MY POINT!!!
I forgot...TWIN I AM WITH YOU ALL DAY!! I love that girl ya'll. Ditto to Leslie's entire post. I wanted to say something about how homo's are shunned in the balck community which also adds to the problem. But even if you scared to tell people who you are you don't gotta fake the funk by ruining an innocent sistas life because you trying to deceive cats. That's start selfish!
LOL at leslie's post!!!! I'm not mad at all about that technique... but reality of the matter is that this ishh is really real! Drive down by dupont in DC on a saturday night... there is an ENTIRE club full of black men that love d.... so i'm with you ndulu that we as women have to do whatever we need to do to in order to protect ourselves and if it means playin tricks like les or plain out askin dem bastards then i'm all for it!
@ angel, I agree with you. But what I want to know is the very last question I asked in my comment: why can't men just be truthful?
Ndulu, I know you don't speak for all black men, but just give me your own personal insight/answer. Why do you think men lie about their sexuality? (And don't say something like why do people lie period!)
LOL @ me telling you to give me your own thoughts and then telling you what not to say! My bad.
You really struck a nerve with this one. I consider myself to be a responsible woman, but even with me doing my damnest to do the right thing I'm still at risk. One of the problems is that we (black folk)continue to place blame and point fingers. I wish we would just be honest with each other. Black men please for the sake of perserving what is left of our people, stop putting your "mothers, sisters, and daughters" at risk. Be honest with yourself about who you are and the actions you take. Every action has a consequence whether good or bad.
HELLLLOOOO is anyone there? Uummm big brotha Ndulu where you at? Can we get a post or something?!
You know who this is.
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